I am about tired of fast food “restaurants”.  I guess I’ll start with the food.  I want to vomit after eating and all my body wants to do is expel the over processed, greasy hunks of poorly made shit.  The physical appearance of the people working there helps this process out.  There are times when frequenting a Mecca of gluttony is necessary.  And so begins my story.      

During one of my rare visits to such an establishment I realized that it takes a very special kind of person to work at one.  I wonder if the McDonalds, Burger Kings and whatever other shit burgers out there look for these kind degenerates during the hiring process.  They must but I have a hard time believing that there are this many fuck bags populating our Earth.  These are the same people that are above picking strawberries?   They’d probably fuck that up too.

So, I make my order of a Whopper and a chicken sandwich, both with cheese and the burger without onion.  I get my soon to be meal read back to me over the drive thru machine that makes it sound like the lady (I use that term loosely) inside had a tracheotomy.  She repeats it just as I ordered.  I pull forward to the window where I realize why I never eat at these places.  Holy fat fuck!  Every employee is a living example of what laziness and a diet of fast food compounded with no self respect will get you.  That is one hundred and fifty pounds overweight, bad skin and a shitty attitude towards skinny people.  The belt that held the drive thru set on it was too tight and all I could look at was the gelatinous rolls of flesh that poured over it.  I handed the state puff marshmallow man my money and received my little paper bag of treats in return.    

I was obviously famished or I would have never gone to a Burger King in the first place.  With this in mind I was looking forward to my meal with great enthusiasm.  I was devastated when I got home and opened the wrapper.   Guess what I got.  What at first sight appeared to be the worst made sloppy Joe I’d ever seen.  I was mistaken.  It was a poorly made burger with the left over ass end of a head of lettuce and, if I had to guess, about six pounds of fucking disgusting onions.  I’d rather eat a hooker’s ass than raw onions.  These incompetent douche fucks couldn’t even get everything on the bun.  How hard is that?  A functioning retard can successfully get Lego’s together and these oxygen thieves can’t put a piece of meat on a piece of bread.  What is this world coming to?

This burger had the symmetry of the woman’s ass that gave it to me.  A whole lot of unidentifiable shit stuffed between two offset, soggy, dimpled buns.   I was really pissed and disgusted but I pulled it apart and disposed of the onions and tried to put this sandwich back together so that it would actually resemble a cheeseburger.  I reluctantly choked it down with haunting thoughts of the beastly employees participating in hotdog eating contest.  With reservation, I then opened my chicken sandwich. 

This wasn’t nearly as bad as the Whopper but it still looked like Ray Charles made it.  I don’t know how, but it appeared that the shredded lettuce was somehow put on after the sandwich was assembled.  It looked like the chicken threw a party and use lettuce confetti.  This is what I like to refer to as a total fucking mess.  Oh did I mention how I like to have a half pound of mayonnaise on chicken sandwiches?  Apparently Peter North added the final topping to this crispy chicken.      

As a result my distain for fast food and obesity significantly increased after this experience.  The strange thing to me is that obviously the employees sit around stuffing the jowls with this food all day, do they mash down on their sandwiches the way they did to mine?  Someone needs to turn these Neanderthals on to a new eating disorder, bulimia.  I hope to never go to a fast food place again, unless it’s In n’ Out.  Never had a problem there or seen a relative of Jabba the Hut working there.                        

I’ve been watching a little bit more TV than I usually do these last few weeks and I’ve noticed something.  No one has come up with a good original idea to entertain me in the last decade.  All the TV shows are the same and people are eating this shit up.  Some may call it nostalgia but let’s call it what it is, fucking laziness.

I guess I saw the turn for the worse with the new American Gladiators.  What a piece of shit show that is.  The original Gladiators, we’ll call them O.G.’s, should all get together, do one last cycle of HGH, and before they OD beat Hulk Hogan’s ass for making a mockery of their show.  It sucked the first time, why torture us with it again? Oh yeah, because they suck.       

Has it gotten so bad that we need to bring fucking Knight Rider back?  I can’t believe that somewhere there are douche bag network executives agreeing to this shit.  They should be added to the growing unemployment line.  They couldn’t even use the same kind of car because Trans Ams aren’t made anymore.  You want to know why?  Because the only people that bought them were white trash, Michael Knight wannabes and 10 years after the show got canceled GM stopped making them because they didn’t sell anymore.  They had to use a modern Ford Mustang that looks surprising like one from the late 60’s.  Again, more unoriginality, but hey, sales might go up on those ergonomically fucked up pieces of shit.

Is there really a new 90210 on air?  Well I give them credit for at least getting a few of the original cast members on the show.  I guess that says good things about their careers.  Too bad they couldn’t have landed a reality show about their perfect little lives like the ugly bitch did.  How many times can you tell the same stories?  The whole time the writers association was on strike they should have been brainstorming on some new fucking ideas so we don’t have to watch HD reruns of a show that was shitty a decade ago the first time it was made.  By the way, fuck reality TV.  I’m tired of the Real World, Survivor and The Amazing Race.  I want to see something that involves real danger or the possibility of one of the degenerate schmucks on it get seriously injured.  I kind of like The Biggest Looser only because watching glutinous, pre-Subway Jared looking, fat fucks suffer is funny to me.

Pay attention to the world around you and remember the world of yesterday and ask yourself how different they are.  It seems like we live in a revolving door of bullshit and all of the people walking through it are clueless.  I urge you, GET A FUCKING CLUE!