5. The Shuffler:  A shuffler is someone that walks along dragging the soles of their shoes on the floor as they walk.  This is an especially annoying behavior to me because it exudes laziness.  The irritation of shuffling can be intensified by the shuffler wearing sandals which amplifies the volume of the shuffling sound.  Shuffling is also usually compounded by a ridiculously slow, aimless pace.  These people walk around like they’re in fucking wet concrete.  It’s like their feet don’t want to take the journey with them.  I want to break the legs of people who walk like this and give them a reason to walk like a douche.  I hope these shitheads shuffle across some train tracks and get mowed the fuck over by a speeding locomotive.  I hate shufflers!

4. Mouth Breathers: I am not sure what causes this, but the number 4’s on this list only have noses for esthetics.  Apparently these lazy pieces of shit would suffocate if they closed their cock holsters.  With that in mind I am asking everyone that fits this description to please close their mouth right now and suffocate.  Mouth breathers even look like fucking wastes of life, like they’re in a comatose trance or something.  I know these fucking worthless assholes didn’t just get done running a marathon so there is no reason for panting like a horny dog fucking your leg.  I expect to see drool and slobber pouring out of their retarded looking faces.  I just want to wrap their heads in plastic cling wrap and hit them repeatedly in the head and shoulders with a shovel.          

3. Those Who Eat With An Open Mouth: Eating with an open mouth is a fucking nasty habit.  It has many of the same characteristics of those who breathe through their mouths but there is the addition of an extra element, food, which makes this more disgusting.  There is nothing that can make a person look more like a total fucking cow than chomping on their cud while their mouths widen with every repulsive bite exposing whatever shit they stuffed in their face.  This activity is also often accompanied by a smacking that sounds like a couple of fat people fucking the shit out of each other.  I’d rather watch child birth than one of these nauseating freaks of nature eat a meal.  I can only dream that they’ll all fucking die of starvation on some distant island because the rest of the world doesn’t deserve to be tortured by them ravenously devouring their meals sloppily chomping like a giraffe.  This is the only thing on this list that actually sickens me.     

2. Lazy Talkers:  Fuck these people in the ass with a pineapple.  There is almost nothing worse that asking some Neanderthal a question and getting an “uh huh” or “nuh uh” as a response.  Is it really too fucking hard to annunciate yes and no?  This is really the epitome of laziness.  I despise dealing with people who grunt their way through life.  These mental dwarves are the embodiment of what is wrong with this world.  Talking to Chewbacca is the most annoying one on one experience that you can have with another human being. It truly reminds me of a poorly made porno.  Too bad I can’t fast forward through the conversations I have with these social superstars like I could a porno.  If these people are too lazy to talk like a normal person they should have their tongues removed in some sort of ritualistic fashion without anesthetic.      

1. Shitty drivers:  This is something that is actually due to a lack of skill and attention.  There is nothing in this world that can get my blood boiling like following some dumb whore that drives like she’s in slow motion.  I don’t mean to be sexist but the reality is that the majority of people that fall in this category are women.  These bitches can do a number of things to worsen their ability to drive, put on make-up, talk on the phone, fuck with their kids, or just space the fuck out.  Absent minded drivers piss me off because they also put lives at risk and I am much too important to be iced out by some complacent fuck wad that is paying more attention to picking their nose or looking at the clouds than driving. 

There are also the other kind of shitty drivers.  These are the assholes that are always in a hurry and have to race everyone wherever they go.  This special kind of fucking annoying cock sucker is usually driving a car that I wouldn’t be caught dead in.  I can think of a specific circumstance where speed racer was driving a 1990’s Pontiac Grand Prix that looked like a stunt car from the A-Team.  I guess I would be in a hurry to get the fuck out of that embarrassing hunk of libido killing shit too.  These delusional douche bags think that the automobile they’re driving is some sort of a race car because they put a Dale Earnhardt sticker on the back window when in actuality it is a feudal effort at trying to make their little dicks seem bigger.  You can tell by their over aggressive driving style that they obviously feel the need to prove something to everyone.  The only thing that is proven to me is that these ass clowns are the biggest waste of semen that walks this planet; they should have all been blow jobs or rubbed out into a sock instead. 

Then there are the fucking elderly.  I don’t know why these people move so slowly.  It seems that if any group of people should be in a hurry it would be old people.  Who knows how much time they have left on this Earth, they might want to get a move on before the fucking croak or shit their pants. 

There are a few times when driving like shit is okay.  They’re very limited though and they aren’t things that you necessarily want to let other drivers know.  These are reasons like you’re getting your dick sucked while driving or you’re drunk.  I know these are dangerous but it’s not the norm and you were obviously having a good time so it is kind of excusable. 

If you have any of the above listed characteristics I honestly do hope you get anally pummeled by an elephant and spend all eternity burning in hell.           

Why the Boston Red Sox have the worst fans in the world.

Let’s start with the name of the team, the Red Sox.  Red Sox, are you serious?  I know that it’s the most recognizable part of the team's uniform but is that really all they had?  I once had a friend tell me a story about going to Poland and asking the lady of the house he was staying at what she was cooking and she shyly replied that she was boiling socks for when she was on the rag.  Now I can’t help but think of a large, old school, eastern bloc, Soviet lady that uses a sock to soak up her menstruation because they didn’t have tampons. The thought of Olga pulling this bloody sock out of her hairy, bologna smelling, Russian twat follows whenever I hear Red Sox.  I guess that kind of fits the Boston fans.    

Here is why I don’t like Boston Red Sox fans.  The BoSox won a World Series in 1918 and then didn’t do shit until 2004.  I’d say that’s a pretty shitty streak.  During that time their asshole fans were forced to be a little humble because the Sox would always choke like Elton John on Ron Jeremy’s dick in the big game.  Even non-asshole people would pull for the Sox because they were so damn atrocious that they were the perennial underdog.  Bostonians blamed this century long slump on Babe Ruth.  Are you fucking kidding me?  They sold Babe Ruth and didn’t win shit for 86 years and it has to be the Babe’s fault.  Maybe it’s because they were a bunch of fucking racist bigots.  They were the last team in the Major League to integrate their roster.  It took Boston 12 years to sign a black player.  They passed on Willie Mays and Jackie Robinson because they were black.  Well no shit you were a shitty bunch of fucking losers for 86 years.  I guess that’s why I only see preppy white guys and their slutty, cunt girlfriends with Red Sox shit on.

I understand why BoSox fans hate the Yankees, shit, I hate the Yankees but at least their fans aren’t total jerk offs.  They were arrogant as hell and won 26 world championships while the Sox couldn’t do shit.  So Red Sox fans humbly supported a team that looked like a spilled bowl of fuck for a decade longer than a Hailey’s Comet passing.   With one World Series win these motherfucking fans turned into the cockiest douche bags ever.   I say, fuck you Boston, eat a bowl of dicks.  Now asshole Boston fans think that this “curse” that they had for 86 years has been reversed.  How did this curse get reversed?  Maybe it’s because the white supremacist don’t own the team anymore. 

If you’ve ever been to a Red Sox game in a town other than Boston you’ll realize that their fuck face fans come out like a bunch of roaches whenever they’re in town.  I would normally welcome fan support but the Red Sox have a different kind of fan.  These fans are taunting, shit talkers as long as they’re winning.  Let these panty waists get their asses slapped around the diamond and they turn into a bunch of whiny pussies, whiny pussies with a fucking annoying dialect.  The other shitty thing is these dickheads have the Patriots too.  I was so happy to see them get beat in the Super Bowl.  I wish all of these Bostonians would just shut their cock holsters and try to enjoy the game without making me want to run through their masses dismembering them by wieldinga machete like a Rwandan warlord.  I guess it’s just hard to enjoy anything when you have to listen to, “pak da ca in da yad o you’ll have to put a quater in da meta”.  Shut the fuck up Paul Revere! 

In closing I’ll say that I hope all of the cunt muscle Boston fans catch Chlamydia from their filthy whore mothers.  Yeah, I want them to fuck their own mothers and get VD.  Maybe that will help instill a little humility.  Be grateful that your team won a few games and pretend that you have some fucking class.  You officially are the worst fans in baseball as voted by me.  Fuck off cock suckers!